We’ve all heard the expression, “He wants to have his cake and eat it too,” but how many of us continue to put up with a guy who doesn’t want a girlfriend, doesn’t believe in titles and still wants to continue casually dating?
As smart as I am about men, I will admit that I’ve fallen victim to non-committers. I fought for one who turned out to be my boyfriend for 3 years — but that’s uncommon and may I remind you, I’m single now.
I’ve also fallen victim to an out of town non-committer who continues to make himself available when I’m around but as soon as I leave he’s back to shagging locals.
And I’m not innocent, I have a history of being a non-committer too. Once a relationship gets serious, I bail without reason.
So you see, this article is well overdue and I’m attacking it from every angle.
My question is this: Is fighting for a non-committer ever worth your time?
After all, they don’t want to be exclusive, and in most cases, it will only lead to heartache. But there are those circumstances where you know the person is special – it just takes them longer to realize that you are too.
And it sounds sad, but it’s true. Some people are so selfish that they create walls and boundaries to protect themselves from committing. They know you aren’t the one, but you are better than nothing, so they keep you around. Non-committers can fake a relationship with you and forget about it the second something better comes along.
People like this are messy. They won’t give you any sort of commitment but make you feel special enough to not give up on the relationship completely. You know they have feelings, but it comes down to this — they don’t have to share you and they know that.
They are choosing not to date you exclusively. People who don’t commit know what they are doing. Non-committers hate committing, but don’t like being alone.
So when is it time to pump the breaks and kick this non-committer to the curb?
Everyone’s tolerance level is different. Some can hang in longer, while others get so fed up that they are practically pushing the other person out the door.
The most important question is: How much does this person actually mean to you? Figure that out before taking the next step.
When you fall in love, you know right off the bat. Like I said, I fought before because I felt it was special, and while the relationship turned out to be, one has to wonder, why did I fight so hard for someone who didn’t want me to begin with?
That’s what it comes down too. Getting the recognition you deserve from the beginning. If you have to beg and follow him around like a puppy, he’s not for you.
And if the relationship is hurting you, it’s not for you either.
Non-committer’s are a pain and no one should put up with their crap. They treat you great half of the time and like shit the other half — all because they are unsure of what they want.
And most of the time, it’s not you.
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Love this article. I think the main thing is to be honest with what you want and what you’re willing to give. Don’t put up a front and string people along, that just makes you an asshole, and no one likes an asshole!!
Love your site, Whitney! Congrats! You have to give them a taste of ther own medicine, they may want to date other people but hate it if they think you’re doing the same. It also helps if all their friends start getting married lol. I started dating a non-committer 2 1/2 years ago, and we’re getting married in May =)
So some are worth it!
I M P E C C A B L E !!
COULDN’T HAVE WORDED IT ANY BETTER THAN THIS! EVERYTHING ON HERE JUST ACED IT!
I LOVE THIS . THANK YOU !
WRITE MORE ABOUT IT !
PATTY
So damn true!!! Get article, website, document, bolg or what ever you acall this I agree 111% lol
Ofcourse. This was kind of hard to read but it’s honest and very true. Dang.