This article is in response to one that was posted on Lemondrop.com that’s titled: “Are Single Mothers Raising Their Children To Be Single, Too?” by Lena Chen.
I thought the title was interesting but had a different approach to the idea. Some of you posted responses to this article on my Facebook, so I decided to gather them and create an article that bulks these ideas together. So, let’s begin.
Do our parents ideas of love reflect our own views on relationships?
I say yes, in most cases. For instance, my parents are divorced. I have no desire to get married because I know what it’s like to lose that special someone– I’ve seen it happen first hand. And while I may have been young at the time, I still remember the day we left and asking my mom: “Why are we leaving daddy?”
I have grown up with a strong and independent mother. She has always taught me never to rely on a man because they could always leave. She has shown me how to be self sufficient and while I admire her for everything she is, I do have to put some blame on her for my commitment issues.
Now, I should also mention that I have another strong influence, my step mom. She’s always showed me the fun in life. I can see her disappointment when I bring home a guy or tell her I’m exclusive with someone. She wants me to go out and date around because that’s what she did when she was young. And while her and my dad have been married for 17 years, they have shown me that marriage is hard and something you must have the desire to work for. I admire them for that.
Still, my first memory of a relationship was my parents and that failed. I have watched my mom date men, fall in love and then break up. I’ve seen that happen in my own life too. I admire the hunger she has to keep her independence and I have definitely taken on that trait.
I want to be that strong woman who makes her own money and that young girl that dates around. The girl that never stops striving for more in life — my mom is that way in love and my step mom is that way in business. I strive to be like take those traits from both of them. My views on relationships are identical to my mothers and, since that’s what I’ve known my entire life, I’m okay with that. I like my relationship opinions and the fact that I’m independent.
So what about you?
It’s common knowledge that the majority of us take on the political and social views of our parents. Hell, we are basically a smaller clone of them. Of course, there are exceptions to this. But most of us will have the same relationships that our parents have because that’s what we’ve seen through example.
For instance, the people who had their child at an age too young – statics say their kids will be more prone to teenage pregnancy or getting a girl pregnant at an early age.
Children who grown up in an abusive household, are more likely to find a man that puts them in the exact same situation. Not in every case, but again, it’s a proven fact that these children will grow and have the same kind of unhealthy relationship because that’s what they saw growing up.
And let’s not forget the children who’s parents have been living the fairytale since the met. Kids who have grown up with happily married parents will strive for that lifestyle. They will expect to find someone who they can have a happily ever after life with too.
Or maybe you grew up in a divorced household and you strive to be the opposite. You force love upon yourself because you so desperately need to feel it. That’s different than how I feel — but if that’s you, it’s still in response to your parents relationship and love life.
So what you think? Do you agree that our parents idea of love influences our own? Can you see their relationship patterns in your dating lifestyle?
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I agree completely. While I understand and admire your views on relationships and love you know I have a different view for myself. My parents, however, have been married for over 42 years. While I’ve grown up in a very love filled household my parents don’t have the “perfect” marriage. They have a real marriage with all the ups and downs, good day and bad days that everyone else has. I think that what I’ve seen growing up is what I’ve searched for all these years. I want to be married to somebody who at the end of a bad day you feel like you might not like very much, but then you remember, they’re your best friend. I too have seen that it takes work. You find someone who is willing to put in just as much as you are. So yes, I blame my parents relationship for my view and expectation of love.
Great article btw!!
I agree whole heartly with this article and I find it a little sad that our parents do have that much influence on our future relationships. My mother has been divorced and remarried my dad, so for as long as I remember she has always told me to be very careful when picking the man you are going to spend the rest of your life with because divorce is something you never want to have to experience. I feel because I have seen what divorce not only does to the two people in the relationship but also the people surrounding the relationship, it almost puts too much pressure on me to find the “right” person.With every relationship I get into the one thing I continually think of is what if this person is the wrong person for me and I dont figure that out until its too late. As much as I love that my mother is trying to protect me from ever getting hurt, it has actually taken away some of the joy from being in a relationship. Because instead of enjoying just getting to know someone and the excitment of being in a relationship, I stress out! And stressing out is not something I ever enjoy.
I agree to this to a certain extent. My parents divorced when I was 12, far old enough to understand WHY they got divorced. I made it my goal to NEVER put myself in that situation. Most of my childhood I spent wanting to never-ever get married; I wanted to own my own business and just be by myself. But after being in relationships…and maybe I am that crazy person who pushes love onto myself…I have found that it is important to have that kind of love. I also have learned what a unhealthy marriage is..I have seen what makes a family dysfunctional. I have come up with my own little theory: you know if your relationship will end in a divorce before you even get married. I think many people fight the signs of being unhappy to stay in the relationship. Shoot, I was in that situation for a very long time and as bad as I wanted all of my hard work in that relationship to pay off, I also knew that my parents shared MANY of the same problems that I had in that relationship.
I guess what I am trying to say is that our parents love and views of marriage do impact us..however we do have the ability to choose what we want for ourselves.