Why do we put an age limit on everything we do, especially when it comes to getting married and having babies?
At 16, I made a pact with my then-boyfriend that we’d get married once he turned 30 — if we were still single. I’d be 28, and I thought I’d be ready. Now at 24, thinking about marrying him is beyond unrealistic. Especially since he’s pushing that 30 mark and hasn’t made the jump yet.
I also thought I wanted to be a young mom at one point, which meant I’d have a baby around 25. So, unless I get knocked up in the next few months, that’s not happening anymore — thank God!
See how many times I’ve changed my mind in the last 8 years? Once you put a ring on it or have a baby, you can’t be so indecisive. This just goes to show the pressure that some of us put on ourselves at an early age.
Yesterday, I heard a friend joke that she’s “not getting any younger” and needs to find a man pronto. When some people say this, they are kidding — she was not.
Last year was my big year for weddings. Not only did a handful of my friends get married, but so did two of my cousins. One is 25 and the other is 21 – age-wise, I’m in the middle so you can understand the position I fell in.
At both weddings, completely badgered. “So, any plans on settling down Whitney?” “Where’s the boyfriend?” “You didn’t bring a date?” And all I kept thinking was… leave me alone, let me finish this drink, and make some bad decisions with the cute guy on the dance floor. So I know about pressure, but I’m not the type to give into the hype that surrounds age limits, babies or marriage.
Years ago, I remember my college roommate saying these exact words: “The next guy I’m in a serious relationship with, I’m probably going to marry.” I was 20, she was 23 — my jaw literally dropped on the floor of our walk in closet.
While I understand that our clock is constantly “ticking,” the rush to get married can be hindering your ability to find someone who truly makes you happy. This also brings up the idea that people who are in a hurry are just settling. They are so fixated on the image of marriage and a family that they turn an okay relationship into more than it truly is.
And I’ve been a witness to this many times. They put on a smile and act like everything is perfect; meanwhile, friends just want to shake them out of it.
I had a conversation with a girlfriend who is much like me when it comes to dating. This is what we came up with –
Date around and figure out what you want before you settle down. It’s better to be choosy with who you fall in love with. And remember, just because you love someone doesn’t mean they are right for you. Just because they will make a great housewife, mother or father isn’t a good enough reason either.
The only time limit you are battling, is in your head. Stop putting pressure on yourself, the situation and him. Focus on you and being truly happy everyday — the right guy or girl will follow.
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Well written! Love everything you have to say in this article. I think those who put that kind of pressure on settling down only increase there chances of getting a divorce. Not cool!
I actually think that its more up to the person. Yes, I got married young, but it’s what I always wanted. I never set an age limit for myself, but I knew if I found the right person I would marry him. I did, and I am the happiest girl alive! Maybe people were asking you why you all these questions, because you always had bf’s around before.. maybe they just aren’t use to you not having someone around. I think that something is going to happen when you least expect it, and you are going to fall madly in love, and all this is going to go out the window..
Ok, we will see
But remember, it’s not as easy as when I was 2 hours away. I’m now 6 hours from home and the only time I’m around are the holidays. Even if I had someone special, they’d have to 1) buy a plane ticket 2) skip a holiday with their family or 3) I’d have to spend 6 hours in the car with them. None of these will be happening.
I just want you to reread your comment from last year… and I see a few things getting checked off of that list! Sucka!!
I wasn’t the writer of this article, but it didn’t sound like the writer was saying that getting married at a young age is a bad thing. It’s the getting married to fulfill an expectation where the problem lies. People put so much pressure on themselves and others to settle down at a certain age that people end up rushing into things. Marriage is a pretty serious thing! It’s nothing to rush. Enjoy being young and when it happens it happens.
It’s really up to the people involved…My husband & I were married at a young age just because we wanted to be married! We knew that we were each others soul mate so why wait? Yes, we had our first child at 19, another two years later, & another 4 yrs. later. BUT, this was in 1974 that we were married. It’s different now. Boys & girls don’t seem as mature as we were. And they don’t have the skills my husband had to make a good living w/o me having to work. So good luck to everyone out there looking for MR. or Mrs. Right.